A few nights ago I had a great talk with God. He gave me a pretty big revelation about where I am at right now. I have been constantly yearning to be back at the place where I used to be. To explain, the year after I had graduated from college where I was really seeking hard after the Lord. I was studying the Bible and praying on a very consistent basis. It was a great time where I was conquering sin and triumphing over my flesh. I was having fun, and I was taking real joy in being a Christian. Eventually that fell away as my life got taken into other distractions. Those things not being bad, but I was consumed by them. I was struggling to become a fiancé and then a husband, then it was trying to get a stable job that I could do well at. Then it was still trying to be a better husband. Those were things that I did not know how to excel at so I tried. A bigger problem was me becoming lazy. Well, I won't say lazy. A friend of mine said that it was really just being afraid, and that calling myself lazy was a cop out and just hurting myself. You can't fight against what you don't think exists. That fear really took hold of me and it keeps me at home in my protective shell. It held me on my couch, it held me in front of the tv, it help me to playing video games. I rarely stuck my neck out there out of a fear that I would be laughed at or get hurt. That is not a way to live. That is my not so brief explanation.
As I said, I have been constantly trying to get back to that place I was the year after I graduated. The thing God revealed was that if I continue to yearn and desire to be back at that place then I will never be able to reach new places that would allow me to experience new and amazing things about Him. When I was looking back onto the things that I have done, I totally missed out on the things that God would have me do now and has planned for me to do in the future. It was a funny thing to listen to myself say that last night because I already knew that but I never knew it. That is sort of hard to explain so I am not going to even try, just take my word for it. I had fun talking with God for the first time in a long time last night. I laughed and smiled and enjoyed myself.
The best part about it is that I even was able to stave off distraction and preoccupation. I guess a large part of that has to do with the fact that I was in the bed about to go to sleep. But my self was trying to jut in and disrupt the conversation and lead me down another road. Then it brought to mind things I think I should worry about. I was able, by the grace of God, to quell those thoughts of worry. (There's no since in worrying about something you can't do anything about, at least as far as my job is concerned)
So I am hoping that this will be the beginning of something beautiful, something of substance and purpose. I long for a future day when I will be able to experience God more fully. I caught a taste that night and I really don't want to let go.


Seeing as this is the first thing I have written in a very long time, I am guessing that it's probably pretty good to start at a beginning. Hopefully I haven't been completely deserted. I will not write every day, I may not write even once a week, but I hope you keep reading as it will be more frequent than it has been. Have a wonderful night.